Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Look for the helpers.

Let's start off with this - you have to see Won't You Be My Neighbor. I watched Mister Roger's Neighborhood as a little kid, so this film tugged at my heart strings in a very special way. It's a beautiful documentation of the philosophy of Fred Rogers, how he viewed the world, his passion for creating meaningful television for children, his love for humanity. 

In the second episode of Mister Roger's Neighborhood (1967), King Friday is building a border wall around his castle because he is so fearful of all the change happening in The Land of Make Believe. Mr. Rogers talks about how he decided to be present with his family during breakfast instead of being buried in his newspaper. The themes in his show are timeless. He made an impact in the lives of children over decades and decades, and yet, he frequently questioned if what he was doing was important, was actually worth something, was actually making a real difference. 


"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'" -Fred Rogers

I've always thought that political science was fascinating. The first time I took a Constitutional Government class, I was hooked. During "boring" political times, I still find the stuff super interesting. So, I feel a certain responsibility to remain politically engaged and active during these times that are so beyond boring or standard. I feel an obligation to help people know how to contact their representatives, where to rally and march, how to be an involved part of their Democracy. But lately, I've had this sinking feeling that none of it is actually worth anything. That we keep taking step after step after step backward and backward and backward. Spinning wheels spinning wheels spinning wheels. What's the point of even trying if the fear of difference is triumphing over any sort of love and empathy? Is my little voice worth anything? Are my little actions completely inconsequential? And yet, this quote has been rolling around in my mind, reminding me to keep my eyes open to the people that are helping, that haven't stopped helping, that are still a force of good in the world.

A couple nights ago, I was texting with a dear friend of mine about the upcoming rally for immigrant families and about how it's so difficult to know how to help and how to be part of real change. We talked about how it's hard to know what to say or what to do, wondering if what we do even matters. And she thanked me for how I speak up, how she often takes cues from me in times like these. I don't say that to pat myself on the back, but more to say this: the seemingly little things you do to embody love and to embody what you think is right - those things actually matter. Even if they make a difference for one person, that is still a difference.

Rallying and marching is inconvenient. Speaking up and speaking out can often create awkwardness. Volunteering my time for my community is tiring and isn't always rewarding. But, if everyone bent to the fear of discomfort, no one would march. No one would work elections. No one would call their reps.

That thing you're doing out of love and concern for your neighbor, whatever it may be, that thing is important. Even when it feels like you're spinning your wheels, even when it feels like it's pointless, even when you wonder if it makes even a bit of difference at all, know that your work is worthwhile. All of those little "inconsequential" things done out of love add up to a whole lot of goodness being put into the world.

I have to believe in the undercurrent of love and empathy that I see in the helpers. It's hard sometimes. It's hard a lot of the time. But it's important that we hold onto the light seeping through the cracks in the darkness. We have to keep doing the little things. Because altogether, maybe they're really not so little after all. 

Friday, September 2, 2016

oh, mama

At the beginning of the summer, I had every intention of giving a lot of love to my little blog, over here. But, well-intentioned goals don't always happen they way we think and that's okay. Because more important things are happening!

Turns out, bigger plans for my summer had already been laid out. On an evening when Ryan & I were about to head to our friends' home for dinner and to drink a whole lot of wine, I took a pregnancy test and wait, what? Hold on. What? Okay, yeah, this was "planned" but this is a thing? Now? (that was basically my train of thought) And thus, our summer quickly became less about backpacking through national parks (our original plan) and more about coddling my sorry ass around because I had next to no energy to do anything except eat and sleep. Ryan & I still managed to pull off our trip to Montana and have an amazing time, which is due largely to his patience & flexibility & dealing with my high maintenance needs. The day we returned home to Sacramento, we hit up our local Trader Joe's for all our usual staples, and realized the next day how terrible of an idea that way as I was beginning the journey into all the joy that is morning sickness. (ALSO, whoever in their right mind - probably a man - came up with the term "morning sickness" should be publicly scorned, because it does not accurately represent what should actually be called "any & all hours of the day & night sickness") I'll spare you from all those gory details, but let's just say, it wasn't my finest hour - err, month. (shoutout again to my love for doing absolutely everything I ever needed. dishes. scrubbing out the toilet at 7am. going on orange juice runs. popsicle runs. making me 47 grilled cheese sandwiches. etc & so forth)
So, there ya go. Summer, basically over.

I'm sure most people feel this way about a lot of things in their life. But, let me tell you, all this "making it public" business is as terrifying for me as it is exciting. As a 3 on the Enneagram (google it), I am highly aware of the image of myself I put across. The last few years have been all about school and pursuing a career in theatre. And, to be frank, having a child kind of throws a little bit of a twist into that whole life path. That's not to say I haven't wanted this or that it wasn't planned. It's also been something I've always envisioned for myself. And the fact that it's happening now just feels right. I can't say much else about it, besides that. The timing feels right. Something deep inside me knows that it's good and knows that this is what my life will revolve around for a while (a long time). But, all that being said, it's still terrifying.
What will people think of my choices? Does this mesh with the other plans I have? Crap, our apartment isn't big enough for three people. What if we announce it and then something tragic happens? What if I can't go back to school like I want to? What if I have to stop performing for way longer than I want to? What about my plans to be a director? What about the acting classes I'm teaching? What about my abs????

Big change is terrifying. Big change is never not terrifying. And no matter what, there will always be that thing inside me that feels the pull to explain myself at any given turn. If you know me well at all, you know this about me. However, I'm slowly learning to be aware of this part of me and then to let it go (or at least try). Because, I'm pretty damn proud of who I am. I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished with my life, my schooling, my career thus far. I'm pretty grateful and for the relationships that I have, that I've been lucky enough to encounter, that I've worked really hard for.

And, I'm proud of this.
I'm proud of my body for doing this.
I'm proud that I continue to choose to do exactly what I want.
I'm proud that I chose this.

"I am a universe wrapped in skin"


Wednesday, March 9, 2016

around here

The last few weeks have been happily busy. Lots of color and life. I thought I would share some highlights. 


I love living in the farm-to-fork capital. It means delicious farmers market goodies all year long. 


For Valentine's Day, Ryan & I went to our favorite favorite favorite ever ramen restaurant, the Ramen Shop in Oakland. The best cocktails & appetizers & ramen I've ever tasted. Every plate & drink are so thoughtfully made. We could eat here every week, seriously. But, then we couldn't pay rent. So. You win some you lose some.



I love my Auntie B. At least once a month, she will suggest a dinner idea or a trip to the flower mart. Driving to San Francisco with her, chatting about everything under the sun, buying flowers, and eating brunch is definitely up there in the "This is What Life is About" category.


I mean, COME ON. Look at these beauties. I swear, buckets of flowers really do it for me. At some point in my life, I really want to get paid to arrange flowers. Hold me to that please, interwebs.


*heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes*



I've also been busy working at B Street, a theatre company here in town that I have a lot of affection for, doing lots of things here & there. I accepted a gig doing another school tour with them and I am so looking forward to hitting the stage again before summer.


My dear dear friend, Jordan, recently opened an Etsy shop (jamstickershop!) where she sells her hand designed stickers. They are designed for a very expensive planner that I do not own, BUT I couldn't help but buy some for my moleskine planner. They're just the cutest and so well made and really could be used for planning or stationery or anything you want cute stickers for! I'm totally hooked. Go check out her shop!


I am also completely hooked on this Skin Polish by Lady Made Stuff. She makes all her products thoughtfully with essential oils. This scrub makes me feel so happy about life. I discovered her on instagram a while back and can safely say I am sold sold sold. 

Also, I just love supporting the business ventures of strong women that are committed to creating quality products. 


Lastly, a few nights ago, Ryan & I went to see MuteMath, a band I've been a fan of for nearly ten years. I've seen them play live two other times before, but Ryan hadn't ever. It was his birthday but he went happily to see "my" band play. We had such a good time. I love that no matter if Ryan is not familiar with a band (or a play or a movie or any other given performing art medium), or a little familiar with them, or a lot familiar with them, he is just appreciative of good art. He's appreciative of stage presence & great technique & he always notices the little things. I love going to shows with him and just living life with him. 


He's the best. 

So, that's it for me, as of now! I hope that wherever you find yourself in what can be a very dreary time of year, that you can recognize the color & life & light & goodness around you and be glad you're there to experience it. 

~A