around here

Hello from this very pregnant woman & her growing Beeb! We are over halfway there and I can hardly believe it! Now that I'm past the days of day-long nausea, the time seems to be passing much more quickly. And let me tell you, I would trade constant sickness for exhaustion & discomfort any day. Bless the second trimester. Little Beeb girl (yes, girl!!!!!!) wiggles around every single day and feeling her getting bigger & stronger is thrilling, terrifying, mysterious, and magical. I know it's so cliche to say, but I really am getting so so very excited to meet this little human. Ryan and I have been compiling all her things on our registry and are just crawling out of our skin thinking about her being in that stroller and the little onesies and headbands. (who am I???) We are thrilled to pieces. She'll be here so soooooon!!

In other news - 

Other than growing a human, I've been keeping myself busy teaching Acting classes for kids at a dance studio here in town (I love it), reading, yoga-ing, and trying lots of new recipes. I made this soup the other day and it turned out really freakin delicious, so I thought I'd share! I didn't follow any recipe, I just threw in a bunch of delicious things, taste tested as I went, and it was a smashing success. (oh, and here are those cookies)

rustic chunky vegan cure-what-ails-you soup

serves 6 or so

(all quantities & amounts are estimates. eliminate or add as you see fit. :))

a big red onion

eight cloves of garlic

three big carrots

six brown mushrooms

a whole bunch of mini purple potatoes

five smallish tomatoes

three stalks of celery

five purple kale leaves

fresh rosemary

fresh thyme

salt & pepper

three boxes of veggie broth

- Dice onion & mince garlic. Sauté for a bit in some olive oil in a large soup pot (everything will go in this pot). Add carrot circles to sauté. Add some s&p. Add a few sprigs of fresh rosemary & thyme. Continue to sauté on low-medium for a little bit, maybe five minutes. 

- Add enough veggie broth to cover the veggies. Simmer while you chop up the other veggies. 

- Chop up mini purple potatoes and mushrooms in bite size chunks and add them to the pot. Continue to cover the veggies in more broth and add more s&p and r&t as you like. 

- Add chopped tomatoes and celery. Keep on simmering. Keep on taste testing. 

- Add chopped/ripped kale at the end, maybe 15 or so minutes before you plan on eating. It's still pretty nice and crunchy if you do that. 

Hope you enjoy! :) 

...

Other things - 

Ryan & I recently watched Before the Flood, the latest National Geographic documentary on climate change, and it was completely moving. It needs to be watched. 

I think this is amazing & incredible & wonderful. What huge, monumental steps we have made as a democracy. And how far we still have to go. I hope that tomorrow I will know I am bringing my little girl into a country I can start to be proud of again. #imwithher

I've been pretty into The Crown the last few days. It's so British and so monarchy-esque and all the people in it are beautiful. It's kind of the perfect escape from modern news right now. 

That's all for now! Next time I'll come at you with an even bigger blossoming belly. Aren't you excited??

~A

oh, mama

At the beginning of the summer, I had every intention of giving a lot of love to my little blog, over here. But, well-intentioned goals don't always happen they way we think and that's okay. Because more important things are happening!

Turns out, bigger plans for my summer had already been laid out. On an evening when Ryan & I were about to head to our friends' home for dinner and to drink a whole lot of wine, I took a pregnancy test and wait, what? Hold on. What? Okay, yeah, this was "planned" but this is a thing? Now? (that was basically my train of thought) And thus, our summer quickly became less about backpacking through national parks (our original plan) and more about coddling my sorry ass around because I had next to no energy to do anything except eat and sleep. Ryan & I still managed to pull off our trip to Montana and have an amazing time, which is due largely to his patience & flexibility & dealing with my high maintenance needs. The day we returned home to Sacramento, we hit up our local Trader Joe's for all our usual staples, and realized the next day how terrible of an idea that way as I was beginning the journey into all the joy that is morning sickness. (ALSO, whoever in their right mind - probably a man - came up with the term "morning sickness" should be publicly scorned, because it does not accurately represent what should actually be called "any & all hours of the day & night sickness") I'll spare you from all those gory details, but let's just say, it wasn't my finest hour - err, month. (shoutout again to my love for doing absolutely everything I ever needed. dishes. scrubbing out the toilet at 7am. going on orange juice runs. popsicle runs. making me 47 grilled cheese sandwiches. etc & so forth)
So, there ya go. Summer, basically over.

I'm sure most people feel this way about a lot of things in their life. But, let me tell you, all this "making it public" business is as terrifying for me as it is exciting. As a 3 on the Enneagram (google it), I am highly aware of the image of myself I put across. The last few years have been all about school and pursuing a career in theatre. And, to be frank, having a child kind of throws a little bit of a twist into that whole life path. That's not to say I haven't wanted this or that it wasn't planned. It's also been something I've always envisioned for myself. And the fact that it's happening now just feels right. I can't say much else about it, besides that. The timing feels right. Something deep inside me knows that it's good and knows that this is what my life will revolve around for a while (a long time). But, all that being said, it's still terrifying.
What will people think of my choices? Does this mesh with the other plans I have? Crap, our apartment isn't big enough for three people. What if we announce it and then something tragic happens? What if I can't go back to school like I want to? What if I have to stop performing for way longer than I want to? What about my plans to be a director? What about the acting classes I'm teaching? What about my abs????

Big change is terrifying. Big change is never not terrifying. And no matter what, there will always be that thing inside me that feels the pull to explain myself at any given turn. If you know me well at all, you know this about me. However, I'm slowly learning to be aware of this part of me and then to let it go (or at least try). Because, I'm pretty damn proud of who I am. I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished with my life, my schooling, my career thus far. I'm pretty grateful and for the relationships that I have, that I've been lucky enough to encounter, that I've worked really hard for.

And, I'm proud of this.
I'm proud of my body for doing this.
I'm proud that I continue to choose to do exactly what I want.
I'm proud that I chose this.

"I am a universe wrapped in skin"

welcome, 2016!

Here I am, the first evening of 2016, sitting at my desk, listening to Adele, the teensiest bit of tequila in my system, a blank blog page staring me in the face. Should this be some sort of momentous post? Should I say something profound, something deep or important I learned in 2015? Should I do some sort of year in review thing? These expectations are too much, I tell you. I've already decided that I want to blog more this coming year, and clearly, clearly, I'm off to a damn good start...

The other day, a friend (actually, a couple of friends have said this recently) said that I've been pretty MIA lately, dropped off the face of the earth a little bit, so to speak. And I guess I have. Starting in November, I was working an ungodly amount. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not complaining at all. I love working. Working is the best. Working is fun. Working is my addiction? Ah, crap. Am I a workaholic? Hey, Alissa, edit edit edit. (what is blog? what is filter?) In November, I started not one, but two gigs, at once. So I was working working working a lot. I was performing and rehearsing a lot. I was drinking a lot of airborne and a lot of coffee, doing a lot of stuffing trader joe's salads in my backpack as I ran out the door, doing a lot of going to and from. I didn't do anything else when I wasn't performing or rehearsing other than sleep. You can ask any of my friends. My social life has been non-existent. But, like I said, I'm not complaining. The last two months have been gloriously busy and a whirlwind of insanity. I worked at two great professional theatre companies in town, and that opportunity alone, has been just the best. I have three more performances this weekend, and then I think my body might crash a little bit when it realizes that it can. One of the best parts of the last two months of crazy has been the immense amount of love and support I've received from my loved ones. A text from my best friend reminding me that I've got this. Countless friends and family coming to my performances and supporting local theatre. I seriously have the greatest people in my life. 2015 ended at lightning speed.

So first, some lessons from 2015.

Bring a lot of socks when you go to New York in the winter. Like, pack an inordinate amount of socks. And boots that are too big so you can fit all the socks on your feet and also into your boots. Socks.
On said trip to New York, always sit next to the friends of the Broadway star you're going to see in one of your favorite shows. (this is a good tip)
If there is a reason to wear lipstick, wear it. If there's not a reason, you should wear it anyway.
When you're in a touring show that performs for children, always, always I tell you, carry hand sanitizer in your bag.
When you're in a touring show that performs for children, always be prepared to be bombarded with the cute that is a group of kindergartners staring at your face with amusement as you perform goofy characters that eat large fake candy bars and time travel in a very warm orange synthetic dress.
Don't try and get an uber when you're in Montana. They don't exist there.
Trader Joe's has good pre-prepared food. Really tasty. Really cheap. Trader Joe's is the best. (but, that was not learned this year, only affirmed and confirmed)
Cutting your hair short when you never have before is a good decision. Because it's fun and hair grows back, and why not!
Disneyland. Yes.
Backpacking is fun! Backpacking is exhausting! Backpacking is worth it!
Tattoos. Yes.
When you live in a building that was built before the 1930's and it's 100+ degrees in Sacramento, don't run both air conditioning units and charge your phone and cook and turn a light on. You'll pop the circuit breaker and it's just a major pain.
Buy products from Patagonia.
Eat more pancakes. (why are they so delicious)
Be in a musical! Seriously, musicals are so fun.


Now, deep breath.

2016.

2016 is for a few things.
Big and small and significant and stupid.
For clearing out the camera roll on my iPhone more frequently.
For watching less Netflix and reading more books.
For being intentional about pursuing things I've never done that I really want to check off my list.
For buying less and buying better.
For looking out for myself a little bit better.
For being okay with saying no and being okay with not having a "good" reason.
For blogging intentionally and exercising and growing my love for words and letting the catharsis that writing brings to me have its full potential.
2016 is for continued asking of questions.
For remembering that this is my journey and yours is your journey. They don't have to look similar. Not even a little bit.
For knowing that relationships never ever stay the same. And that can be a good thing.
For traveling to the coast with my Ryan.
For less Facebook.
2016 is for more singing and more dancing.
For knowing that I don't have to be everything to everyone. Or even everything to certain people. Or even everything to anyone.
For less apologizing when I'm not sorry.
For petting more dogs.
For less sweating the small stuff.
For being okay if, at the end of 2016, I look back at this list, and I didn't accomplish it all.

Because, maybe goals can be set and lists can be made and words written and boxes checked and unchecked, and this life is still mine. I'm making this thing up as I go.

Happy New Year to you. Love yourself. Stretch yourself. Do something new. Take a risk. Treat yourself well.

~A