Friday, July 3, 2015

25 & alive

It's nearly midnight on a regular summer Thursday & here I am blogging when I should probably just keep it to myself or go to bed or something. But, nah. 

I just keep thinking about how I am ten days away from being 26. Ten days away from being on the other side of 25. How. Is. This. A thing. I don't know. I have no idea. I'm so young but just thinking about being 26 is a very weird thing for me. It seems very adult-y. Like a real grown up. Like I should stop wearing chucks when I go out to dinner or start wearing eye liner on a regular basis or wear bras that make me look like more than a pre-pubescent jr. higher. It's an odd thing, this whole growing up stuff. When I was a kid, I thought I would know more when I was 25, be more sure of what I wanted & when I wanted it. But I guess I also never realized that part of getting older was seeing that all those adults that have it all figured out really don't. They're just doing the next right thing they know to do. And somehow that's a comfort. 

25 has been the best year yet. It truly has. I've never felt more like myself than I did this year. I've never felt more free to do what my heart wants & yet more safe in the parameters of my life to do so. 25 has been this really incredible balance of freedom & safety. I've never been less sure of the things I know for certain, yet more sure of the few things I hold close & hold dear. I've accepted the fact that my skin will probably never stop breaking out. That I can't do anything I love partially or half-heartedly. That my curly hair is & always will have a mind of its own & it's better to let it do what it wants. That I know in my heart, I can never move out of this state because moving is the worst & this is more home than anywhere I've ever lived. That even though my career is inconsistent, it's still what I want to be doing. That I got so ridiculously lucky with my choice of husband - daily I'm reminded. That playing guitar like I did when I was 18 is never something I should stop. That no one thinks about me as much as I do, and gosh is that a comfort. Because if anyone was as concerned about my reputation as I was, it would be over the top. That there are way more types of wonderful love to find in this life than I ever thought possible. That I am doing just fine. I'm doing great for 25. Because feeling like myself at 25 is more than I could ask for. 

So hey 25, thanks for being just really great. I'll be sad to say goodbye, but, at this rate I'll know less & be even happier at 26. 

1 comment:

  1. my best babe. i hope i'm as cool as you at 26 ;)