Saturday, June 6, 2015

this is a post

I've been thinking a lot lately (imagine that) about people's perceptions. Of me. Of my life. Of my choices. Of how I choose to present myself. I think one of the downfalls of the pervasion of social media in our lives is how easy it is to present this sparkly, polished version of our lives to the masses. Okay, we're all adults here, we know (or at least claim to) that Instagram/Facebook/Twitter are all highlight reels, for the most part. But we can so easily forget that & choose to think that what we see online is the complete picture, the whole story. Or what we see when we exchange a quick "hey how are you good to see you yeah I'm great" with an acquaintance or the small talk we make (reluctantly) with a friend we haven't seen in months is actually indicative of the state of our life. I'm not saying that highlight reels are lies. They're usually not. My highlight reel isn't a lie. And I don't say I'm doing well if I'm not. I like to think of myself as an authentic & open person. But, I also know that there are very very few people that have a real complete picture. And I worry about that. I do. I worry a lot. I get anxious a lot. I worry about people's perceptions of my actions & my motivations & how I choose to live my life. And then there's the other part of me that also doesn't even want everyone to know the complete story because, come on now, I only have so much room in my heart & my mind & my life to be that open. I'm conflicted about it. I get conflicted. 

But then I think about how no one ever knows exactly everything that's going on in my life except for me. And those few that I choose to share my deepest thoughts & desires & fears with. I want to be known & understood but I also want my privacy & the respect I should get simply because I am a human person living on my own terms. 

My name is Alissa. I'm mostly a vegetarian but not when it makes it inconvenient for other people. I really love my life but I'm scared of it falling apart because that has happened to me before. I question my faith & I doubt a lot of the things I grew up believing. I really want a dog. I wish I could meet Jesus & ask him a lot of things. I wish I was a better runner. I think I've made some really good choices with my life & I don't see any need to tell anyone why or how or anything like that because I have peace & I approve. 

So this has been a post that I will only post on Twitter because what the hell will people think of me?! 

No comments:

Post a Comment