Sunday, April 15, 2018

time, what a thief

Since Brynlee was born, I've had this sense of time slipping away from me, like I want to commemorate every single little moment, every cute or funny or sweet thing she does, every new expression, every new sound, every new step. I see her grow and change and look different every single day and I want to just press pause and soak it all in. Sometimes I feel like if I don't snap a photo or take a video or write it down, the moment is somehow a little less significant or a little less cemented in my mind. It's a lot of pressure I put on myself, especially in this age of constant and easily accessible commemoration. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing a better job, like I should've filled up the little notebook I've been writing to her by now or I should have her first year baby book completed. That I should be keeping track of all that new teeth she gets or all her new "words" and signs. The feeling that I'm not doing enough to remember - it's a real tension. 

But there's no way to put into a picture or a blog post the feeling I had when she was three months old and would fall asleep on my lap after looking up at me like I was the absolute moon and stars. There's no way to commemorate the terrible sadness I felt when I was nursing her for the very last time and I knew it was the last time. There's no way to really capture that fleeting moment of complete contentment and strange ache I felt when I laid her down in her crib tonight and she looked up at me, smiled, and waved. How can I ever capture that? How can I hold onto that? 

That's the wonder of life. The change, the growth, the knowing that you will always remember that moment even as it flies past you. The ache of time slipping by yet the complete joy in knowing the sweetness the future will bring. What a very strange, beautiful, terrible, wonderful thing all of this is. Captured or not, I hope that I can bask in these perfect moments, knowing that they are part of her soul and mine and that we are tethered together forever. 

Sunday, March 25, 2018

girls' trip to Boise

Bethany & I have been best friends since we were twelve years old. Somehow the three years when we lived in the same state were enough to cement us together for life. Before this trip, we hadn't seen each other in over two years and we hadn't met each other's babies, so this visit was long overdue. 

Look at these precious girls!

Brynlee caught a terrible cold right before she & I left for Boise so she was in the throws of being sick the entire time we were there. Thankfully, my Bethany is the best and understands better than anyone what it's like to have a little one whose needs have to be met before anything else can happen.  Despite having two needy little ones, it was wonderful to just be together, to explore Boise (a surprisingly great city!), to drink wine together and laugh about how we used to be junior highers dreaming about how our lives would turn out, and now we are raising two little girls at the same time. Life is crazy. Life is wonderful. 

I am so lucky to call this woman my friend after all of these years. If we can remain this close after sixteen years, through all the changes life has thrown at us thus far, I don't know what we couldn't get through. 

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Bear's First Birthday Party!

On Saturday, we threw our Brynlee Bear her first birthday party! It was such a wonderful gathering of family and friends to celebrate our sweet girl. 

She loves her brand new chair. This cuteness slays me. 

I've never made a cake before in my life. So, I asked my dear friend, Andrew to make Brynlee her birthday cake and it was just all kinds of perfect. 

I love this girl and I love all of the wonderful people who came to celebrate with us. I am so incredibly thankful to have such an loving, nurturing, generous group of people to raise my little girl around. 
What a life!